Electricity Supply Problems

*Blackouts back as Eskom caught off-guard by shock cooling*

JOHANNESBURG. A week after announcing that load shedding would be
halted, Eskom says an unexpected change in the Earth's axis has plunged
the country into a time of cold and darkness, prompting possible future
power cuts.

The phenomenon, identified by Eskom top management as "winter", has reportedly
caused widespread panic at the utility.

Addressing journalists at Eskom's Megawatt Park headquarters this
morning, spokesman Eddie Motsepe apologised to consumers in advance for
possible power outages, but said that the dramatic shift in the planet's
rotational alignment could not have been foreseen by the power provider.

"We are as confused and frightened as our consumers," he said. "At this
time all we know is that Earth has tilted over, and as such the southern
hemisphere is no longer being struck by the full force of the sun's rays."

He said Eskom officials had confirmed that this phenomenon was known to
the science community, and that it was called "winter".

"We phoned the Geography department at the University of the
Witwatersrand, and they told us," he said.

He said he did not know whether or not "winter" would be permanent, but
said the utility was preparing for the worst.

"We have implemented emergency procedures," he said. "Mainly we are
increasing executive bonuses, and installing fireplaces and humidors in
all the offices on the top floor."

Asked if "winter" was likely to derail Eskom's supply of power to the
controversial Coega aluminum smelter in the Eastern Cape, Motsepe said
that the issue was being discussed and that the company's top executives
were "very positive".

"They spoke about it this morning, and they feel strongly that if the
world is tipping over, as seems to be the case, it is probably best that
we have heavy things like aluminum smelters down here in Africa, where
we can maybe stabilize the planet."

He added that too much had been invested in the Alcan smelter to pull
the plug now.

"In the first year alone the smelter is likely to create almost 19 jobs,
at a cost to the South African taxpayer of around R150 million per job.

"Those are big numbers. Big numbers are good.

"Furthermore, if we get the go-ahead from the Presidency to divert most
of Port Elizabeth's power to the smelter, we're pretty confident that
it can produce enough A-grade aluminum to manufacture 21 cans of
pilchards ... 16, if you want cans that won't buckle under the weight of
the pilchards."

He concluded that a Commission of Inquiry might be called for to
investigate claims that this skewing of the earth is the result of
Apartheid policies under the former white regime.